“When leaders throughout an organization take an active, genuine interest in the people they manage, when they invest real time to understand employees at a fundamental level, they create a climate for greater morale, loyalty, and, yes, growth”. -Patrick Lencioni

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A client who had recently listened to one of our latest podcast episodes asked me the other day, “How do I proactively create psychological safety with my employees?”

When I dug into what he meant by “proactively,” he said that he didn’t think he needed much more of the “don’t do this” type stuff such as don’t yell, don’t interrupt, don’t show up late to meetings and say “Catch me up,” don’t use too much air time in conversations or meetings…you know, all the “don’t exaggerate your power differential” stuff we talk about a lot in workshops and podcasts (Episode #3). He also didn’t want to focus on the super basic “just be a decent human being” stuff, like saying “good morning” and asking about their weekend and all that jazz.

We discussed that the bottom line is about developing a proper open-door policy, which, of course, really has nothing to do with doors. (That’s a note to that agency I worked with a decade ago that was requiring all managers always to leave their doors open.) An open-door policy basically is a combination of availability (logistics) and approachability (psychological safety). The availability piece is about accessibility when employees need you, M.B.W.A. (Managing By Walking Around), and consistently getting back to people. But even more important is that second part – approachability. Are you safe? Do people feel comfortable asking you questions, disagreeing with you, showing up with authenticity in your presence, and revealing themselves as imperfect learners?

So my client and I brainstormed some ways for him to create psychological safety proactively. After discussing strategies, I thought that it might be a good idea for me to share some of this with our readers. So here it goes. All “do’s,” no “don’ts.”

1. Just be a decent human being
Yeah, I know I was supposed to skip this, but I just can’t – it’s too important. Remember, when you have a power differential in relation to someone else, such as in a hierarchical organizational structure (manager/employee), the person with the least power in that relationship subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) pays close attention to the interactions to ensure that they are “safe.” We can’t help it – it’s built right into our amygdalas throughout our development as a species. And one of the best ways we can show up as “safe” is to build relationships. This doesn’t mean “friendship,” if by friendship we mean “let’s hang out together Friday night.” I mean relationship, as in “I care about you as a human being.” This shows up in simple ways: “How was your daughter’s soccer game Saturday?,” “How can I help?” “No, really, you go first.” It shows up in body language (smiling, eye contact, etc.), in your willingness to have some fun and socialize a bit, and in a thousand other indications of respect.

2. Ask others what they think
In a study conducted initially by Kenneth Kovach that has been repeated several times over the years with basically the same results, large groups of employees are asked to rank order their top wants and needs from their immediate managers. Managers are then asked to rank order what they think employees’ top wants and needs are. Typically, the employee list looks something like this:
1. Interesting work
2. Appreciation for my efforts
3. A sense of being “in on things” (including being asked for their opinions)
4. Job security
5. Good wages

AND the managers’ list of what they think employees prioritize tends to fall out this way:

1. Good wages
2. Job security
3. Promotion and growth
4. Good working conditions
5. Interesting work
…
8. Appreciation
...
10. A sense of being “in on things” (including being asked for their opinions)

Employees want to be asked what they think. Trust me on this. One of the best ways to build approachability is to demonstrate to your team that you are open to their influence. And the best way to do that is to intentionally seek their influence instead of simply waiting for them to speak up and say something. And remember, asking for your employees’ opinions on something does not obligate you to do what they suggest. (And guess what? Employees understand this, as long as you’re clear that they are “influencing,” not “deciding.”) But, in a perfect world, it does obligate you to be influenceable, meaning don’t ask if you’re not open to employee input. Listen well, ask questions (“Tell me more…”), paraphrase, and truly consider what they offered, actively looking for ways to wrap their opinions into your final decisions. And don’t forget to follow up later – “Here’s how your input impacted my choices...”

Here are some examples of great questions to ask to help employees feel “in on things”:

• “If you were running staff meetings, what would you add or subtract?”

• “What are your ideas about how we can create a healthier working relationship with that other department?”

• “What should be our department’s prioritized action items this quarter?” (Note: This particular kind of decision is perfect for team consensus work, as are values, common commitments, and more.)

• “I only have 10 minutes at the executive meeting on Friday – what are the most important issues for me to focus on?”

• “What are your thoughts on if and how we should move to a hybrid work at home/work at work arrangement?”

• “What would you like to see more of or less of from me as your manager?”

• “How can we/I improve our communication/information distribution practices?”

• “What ideas do you have for delighting our customers?”

Note that these questions aren’t close-ended, meaning they can’t be answered with just one word, like “Yes,” “No,” or “Fine.” (“Do you like my idea?” “Do you agree?” “How do you think staff meetings are going?”)

Also, please prove you are genuinely interested in their opinions by asking sincerely, giving them time to respond, brainstorming in groups, utilizing their opinions in your final decisions as often as possible, and thanking them for their input.

3. Practice humility
Whether or not you see yourself as a humble person, the actual practice of humility is really not that difficult to learn. And frankly, this should probably be at the top of the list. I can think of no better way to relax the power differential than by showing up as a self-aware but beautifully flawed human being. I’m not talking about groveling or over-apologizing for imagined sins or wallowing in self-condemnation. (In fact, as per our Vol. 16 of our newsletter, the practice of self-compassion is vital for personal growth and the attainment of true, non-toxic humility.) I’m talking about adding some phrases to your repertoire that demonstrate authenticity, openness, and humility, such as:

• “I’m sorry – I wish I would have asked your opinion before I made that decision.”

• “I’m working on not interrupting when others are speaking – would you please remind me if I fall back into that annoying behavior?”

• “What can I do to improve as a project leader/manager/supervisor.”

• “You’re better at _______ than I am. Could you lend me a hand/show me the ropes?”

• “I was wrong yesterday when I stated____________. I apologize for the misinformation – I should have double-checked.”

• “I still get anxious when I lead training sessions. Do you have any helpful hints for me?”

4. Listen. Really well.
We’ve written about this here, preached it on our podcast Episode #5, and always mention it several times during our “Managing with Mind and Heart” leadership series. We’re not just talking about “I heard what you said” listening. We’re talking about the kind of listening in which the other person feels truly heard. This involves the basics, like not interrupting, using good eye contact and other attentive body language, paraphrasing (“I hear you saying…”) – but also a couple truly impactful and even more powerful listening techniques:

1. Empathetic reflection

2. Follow up questions

Check out these two conversations:

Conversation 1
Mike: “Hey, great to see you. How are things?”
Ethan: “Oh, hi. Good to see you. Things are ok—I haven’t really been sleeping very well.”
Mike: “Yeah, I’m pretty worn out myself lately. How was your California trip?”

Conversation 2
Scott: “Hey, great to see you. How are things?”
Ethan: “Oh, hi. Good to see you. Things are ok—I haven’t really been sleeping very well.”
Scott: “You must be exhausted. Tell me what’s going on?”
Ethan: “Thanks for asking. I had a really difficult group in my last workshops I facilitated, and it really got to me…”

See the difference? See what a better listener Scott is than Mike? Mike sucks, doesn’t he? Notice what Scott did that Mike failed to do. First, he used empathetic reflection by interpreting Ethan’s statement through a lens of how Ethan must be feeling to help Ethan feel truly heard. Second, he used that interaction to form a question that invited Ethan to share his heart.

Bottom line – people want to feel “seen.” When someone, especially someone in a position of authority, spends the time and energy to really listen in a way that demonstrates caring, the power differential becomes less of a roadblock to approachability and trust.

So there you go – four immediately actionable ways (as in, you can do these today or tomorrow) you as a manager can create psychological safety with your team members:

1. Show basic human respect and kindness.
2. Ask for input and ideas.
3. Demonstrate humility.
4. Listen really well.

I encourage you to set an intention on your way to work tomorrow (or as you’re booting up your Zoom for the day) to practice at least two of these before the day ends. Then do it again tomorrow. And the next day. Remember, the more you practice something that doesn’t come naturally for you, the more quickly your default behaviors will begin to shift. Fake it until you become it.